


The Choice to Stay

by Fireswan



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Gen, Points of View, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 17:02:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12258468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireswan/pseuds/Fireswan
Summary: Gan considers why he would stay on the Liberator





	The Choice to Stay

Maybe Avon is right: maybe Blake is Not Safe. I've been thinking about that - asking myself why any of us stay on Liberator, anyway?

I figure Cally chose a long time ago to give up safety to fight for freedom. She could have stayed on Auron and been isolated from any kind of conflict, but she made a choice to put her life at risk for an idea she believes in. 

Jenna doesn't seem to care much; she'd never had a safe life and gets a little jumpy if she's got too much. Sometimes I wonder if safety has some kind of negative meaning for her; for a free trader, does safety equal poverty?

Vila, he claims to be scared of everything and that he only stays because Blake is his friend. Sometimes the truth is so outrageous that no one believes it, but I do. Vila acts cowardly but I suspect, even though we're going against the Federation, Vila believes his friends will protect him.

Avon, for all his posturing about a safe bolt-hole, what does he have to go back to? A criminal record and thanks to Blake - thanks to all of us - a price on his head? No life, that, for an intelligent man. At least here he has interesting problems to work on, a chance to strike petty revenge at the system that broke his dream, and - much to his ostentatious disgust - friends that might choose to stick with him even without circumstances forcing them… us.

And me? I wasn't lying when I told them I need people around me, to protect me from this thing that won't let me protect myself. But I could find that on a neutral farming world: I'm not as well known as the rest and Avon could set me up with a new history. I'm sure Blake would give me some seed money from the treasure room. I've plenty of skills, they're just no use out here on the Liberator. Blake would let me go. He's said it enough times: he's not forcing any of us to stay. Maybe....

So why should I stay? It's become obvious that the best I can do for anyone here is to take over a station when their useful skills are needed elsewhere. Even when the limiter isn't malfunctioning, I'm a danger to my friends. I can only fight sometimes and I can't figure out what make those times work. That means even Vila is more reliable in a fight - at least we know what to expect from him. Even so, I want to fight. I think Blake's cause is worth the fight. People should be freed from the government that took... her... and crippled me for no good reason. But am I doing any good? I can't tell.

Maybe I could take some lessons? Learn enough about computer repair or... No. No point in doing anything technical. That’s not where I’m good and I know it. Everyone knows it.

Maybe diplomacy? We could use a good ambassador and I've... No. Blake may not be personally gifted at the patient long-term negotiations, but he's also not going to hang around a planet long enough to need them. Charisma and fast action is his… our… method.

First aid? Cally's a competent field medic but we could use another hand sometimes. If I was handling medical she would be free to focus on communications, where her Auron senses can be put to use.

I don't know. Maybe I am as useless as Avon... No. No one is as useless as Avon says they are.

I suppose I am staying, safe or not. It's silly to consider doing anything else. This thing won't ever let me be as good in a fight as Cally and I can't be useful like Avon or Jenna… Am I even occasionally useful like they say about Vila? 

Maybe Blake can rely on me to just be there; to stand my watch without falling asleep, to be stable and decent and solidly unexciting. Maybe reliableness can be my way to be useful, even if I’m being overlooked for more flashy skills.

I was with him at the beginning, when he looked like the only one with a way out; and maybe this fight still is the only way out, in the end... And I agree with Vila: I feel safe here with people I like. Even when everything we do is obviously not safe. And Avon is right, Blake will lead us - or maybe push us - into a bad situation and one day we won't all teleport away. Even knowing that, I like them and I like being on Liberator. I like Blake because he doesn't think I'm useless. I like Jenna and her practical assessments and wry remarks. I like Avon for... well, because he's family. I like Cally's cool head and her willingness to do jobs that aren't exciting. And Vila, he's my best mate.

I guess, in the end, that's the only reason any of us stay: because we want to be here, with these people, fighting this fight. I will stay. And I'll stay not because I'm stuck but because I choose to stay and to fight as best I can. I'm as safe here as I am anywhere with the Federation in charge. Maybe I'm not worth much but maybe, one day, I'll contribute something worthwhile to the Cause.

**Author's Note:**

> First published in Rebels and Fools, issue 1: https://rebelsandfools.tumblr.com/post/164487288938/rebels-and-fools-issue-1


End file.
